Dear Frankie,

I’ve been a mother to a teenager now for just over 2 weeks and I’m loving it.

I know it’s early days and I have a lot more to learn from you but I just wanted to say thanks for the ride.

I’m sure the next 7 years is going to be an incredible period of time for us both. When you turn 20 and exit your teen years, I’ll be 56.

That number might sound ancient to you right now and that’s only natural, I thought 21 was a dinosaur when I was 13, so 56 must seem like light years away.

Funny thing is, It’s not though.

I want to remind you that older doesn’t necessarily mean wiser, nor does it mean more experienced.

Age is just a number and if we are very lucky and make some sound choices along the way, we might reach 100.

That’s my goal anyway.

In 4 months, I’ll have reached the half way line and I find that incredibly exciting. I’m not old, despite what younger people may think, I’m still growing, just like you, I’ve just been here a little longer.

Like you and I, everyone has a different life path, their choices and decision making along the way come from a mixture of tradition, culture, and circumstance.

These 3 important elements shape our early life stories. As we grow older, we begin to engage with and influence others in many different ways.

Remember, grown ups aren’t perfect, we all make mistakes.

Parents and carers aren’t child experts either although sometimes we think we are, truth is we are learning on the job.

Yes, I’ve met hundreds of thousands of children, none like you however so like I say, thank you for the opportunity to share your life and learn from you as I grow too.

I hope throughout your teenage years I get more things right than I get wrong and when I do get it wrong occasionally, which I’m sure I will, I hope you will find the strength to forgive me.

For now, while your phone contract is in Mama J’s name and is paid for by us, we will continue to enforce boundaries to keep you safe on line.

Please don’t think we want to restrict, monitor and interfere with your autonomy, that’s the furthest thing from our minds, we want you to be trusted, responsible and independent.

Tech is so tempting and time consuming, it can be a huge distraction from the important stuff life has to offer, so for now, we are just here to guide you with it and keep you safe from any harm the internet may bring.

I hope we get this right and you don’t feel like it’s a form of control. I hope you understand and if you don’t, I hope Mama J and I find age appropriate ways of communicating our concerns without you feeling we are pushing you away.

I’m sorry you feel left out when you see much younger children having their ears pierced at Claire’s too.

I genuinely thought at 11 you would be ready to make an informed choice but I was wrong. I know those little bolts of lightning and spotty ladybirds would look so cute on you and I know stick ons, clip ons and magnets don’t even come close but even at 13, I feel you’re not quite ready for pierced ears.

I wish you were, not because I’m a fashionista and love jewellery or because it’s a cultural right of passage past on through generations.

I genuinely wish Frankie @ 13 + x2 Gold Studs was the right equation for you.

I know you think those numbers might add up for you but I’m not 100% certain which is why I can’t take you down to Claire’s and get them done just yet.

I hope you find the strength to be patient with me while I find the right equation for you, I hope you don’t think I’m being unfair and you decide to override my decision.

I would understand if you did, peer pressure is huge during your teenage years. The urge to merge can be overwhelming at times for young people.

If it helps you to understand my decision to wait a little longer, let me tell you this…

Your Nana never found the right equation.

She never chose to pierce her ears despite loving accessorising with earrings, her clip ons became legendary however.

I was 21 when I had my ears pierced. I was an au pair living in Connecticut on the East Coast of America.

It was my first time at the mall.

I thought 21 was the right number for me, I was wrong though, I was being impulsive and adventurous which felt exciting at the time and although the pain was brief but excruciating, my earlobes became infected and I removed the studs after 3 days.

I’ve never worn earrings since but I still have the little holes in my ears that help tell my story.

Turns out body piercing and earrings are not in any equation for me at all.

You might think I regretted having it done, I mean it wasn’t cheap, it came to half my wage that week and it caused a lot of physical pain, another Host Mom was a doctor so advised and treated me for free however, so I felt very fortunate.

There’s no such thing as the NHS in America you see.

I have no regrets though, I made a choice and I stand by my decision. I take full responsibility for my actions.

At 13, I feel you’re still a little young to take full responsibility for the pain, the after treatment and the cost.

Perhaps next year, everything is negotiable.

Well not everything, but most things.

Now you’re a teenager, I hope you still feel that my arms wrapped around you come from a place of love and protection and not control and smothering.

There’s a fine line between MOTHERING and SMOTHERING and I hope I don’t cross that line with you.

I promise to try my best to remember that.

Forever Yours,

Mum x
13/08/2023