‘You’re happy, that’s what it is.’ She continued.

My Mother was right but then I’d been happy and skinny in my life too.  I knew there was definitely more to having a healthy lesbian appetite and I wanted to discuss it over more tea and frangipanes.

‘I’ve got boobs now as well and you know I’ve never had boobs.’

‘You’ve always had boobs my love, don’t be silly, you’ve just had a more petite cup size than most, like me. I’ve never had much up top, my Mother was the same. In fact I’ve got some bras that will fit you, I’ve been having a clear out, remind me before you go.’

There she went again.

‘Thank you, Mum, anyway, well, you know how for most of my life, when I lie on my back I look like 2 paracetamols on an ironing board..?’

‘Ooh you do exaggerate.’ She laughed.

‘Well now, when I turn over to go to sleep, my boobs clap.’

‘No they don’t love.’

‘They do. You know how much I’ve always wanted boobs but I just didn’t think they’d come with a couple of warm rolls around the middle. It’s all new to me.’

‘I put weight on when you and Myles were born, women’s body’s are always changing, it’s completely natural.’

At this point, you may think I rolled my eyes, but she was right, although I had never been pregnant, I did gain weight when I became a mother myself.

I called it ‘Adoption Weight.’ but that’s a different story over another packet of biscuits.

‘So, you’ve put a little on all over love, that’s perfectly normal, you’re 47 at Christmas.’

I love being reminded of my age. It doesn’t matter how old you are and how often you might want to forget your milestones, your parents are always there to jog your memory and keep track. I’ve learned to get used to it. 

My birthday is near Christmas so I’ve got no chance, it has a bigger lead up than advent.

‘Stop worrying about a few extra pounds, if it’s bothering you that much, get using that gym membership more. 

How much are you paying for that each month? Are you sure you use it enough to get your money’s worth?  If not, you’re paying a lot to sit in a jacuzzi.’

‘Thanks Mum.’ I smiled. ‘So you don’t think  it’s anything to do with being a lesbian?’

‘No love don’t be ridiculous.’

‘It’s more likely you’re going through the menopause.’

11/11/2020