Hi Mum,

‘Oh Queen, it’s 4 in the morning.’

I know, I woke up and I feel wide awake, you know like when you set a ridiculously early alarm coz there’s  a taxi picking you up to take you to the airport in the dark. I’m that kind of wide awake…

I’m ‘wired’ awake.

‘Oh Love.’

I’m not getting up though, don’t worry, well not yet, Jen’s actually set the alarm for 9.30am.  
Wish we were getting up to go to the airport though, in another couple of hours we could be in Wetherspoons with a pint and a bacon barm.  Covid, shmovid.

‘Try and go back to sleep Love.’

I will in a minute,  I’m just lying here while Jen’s grinding her teeth.  
I’ve nudged her gently twice to stop her gnawing through her pillow, it’s tricky without waking her up.  
Hang on, it’s alright, she’s rolled over now and is mumbling in her sleep, I think she might be processing her last couple of twelve hour shifts at work.  When she wakes up I’ll tell her she needs a teeth guard.  

Either that or new pillows.

‘Ooh you do exaggerate, she doesn’t need a teeth guard, what are you like?’

I’ve told you Mum, ‘wired awake’ so unless I get up and sneak downstairs to make a brew and watch Netflix, I’m left lying here restless, with a very vivid imagination.

Am I imagining you Mum?  Are you a figment of my imagination now?

‘No Love, I’m still very much real, I’m fixed in your memories,  I’m deeply embedded in the frontal cortex of your brain actually.’

‘We are spiritually attached too, eternally.  
It’s difficult to explain, this is where you have to trust your faith to step in.’

How do you mean?

‘You have to have a strong faith in order to make any kind of sense of all this.’

Do you mean believe in God?’

‘Well no, but that can help.’

I do believe in God, I’m just not sure which one, there’s quite a few.

‘That’s lovely and very true but believing in yourself is equally important.  You must listen to yourself, your gut, your intuition, soul search my Love.’

You’re right, if I search into my soul, you’re there every single time. You pop into my thoughts often but I know you’re deeply embedded in my actions too.  I think I’m questioning myself about ideas and decision making when in fact I’m subconsciously running stuff past you most of the time.

I used to ring you up and ask you for your thoughts on different matters but now I find myself checking my soul first and you’re in there, guiding me, I can feel you.
You’re not a figment of my imagination and you don’t have to still be living to be just as real.

I get it.

‘That’s good, try and go back off now Love, rest your mind.’

Ok Mum, see, we came to that decision together didn’t we?

‘We did Love, oh and Lucia?’

Yes Mum?

‘When you do find yourself at Manchester Airport again sitting in a Wetherspoons at 4 in the morning, go easy will you?’

‘A pint for breakfast?  Ooh Love.’

Yes Mum, 

Love as always,

Queen x
29/12/2021