Lesbian Biscuits…

‘Do you know if Spandau Ballet had a big Gay following in the 80’s Mum?’

‘I wouldn’t know love.’ She slurped.

No that’s right she wouldn’t, why would she? Mum has never really been a dedicated follower of fashion trends and pop culture. I remember her watching Top of the Pops once, blinking and rubbing her eyes when Boy George came on, the confused look on her face was a picture.

He was certainly no Cliff Richard.

….Or was he?

‘Cliff’s not gay.’ She barked.

Poor Cliff, there was no chance women of my Mum’s generation were going to lose their living doll to gender fluidity. 
He was straight and one day they would all marry him, whether he liked it or not.

My introduction into pop culture began when I picked up a second hand copy of a ‘Look in’ magazine at the school fair. 
I was just a little older than Frankie is now, when I handed over my 10p spends and decided there and then I would become a ‘True’ disciple of Spandau Ballet.

‘Duran Duran, look like they need a wash,’ Mum had said at the time… and that had 
put me right off them.
Madonna had already been snapped up by most pre teens by then too.
The American Material Girl was being worshipped on most Panasonic Walkmans, every Saturday in Stockport Precinct.

I would be different, I thought, I would be the first person to bagsy Spandau and the rest would follow.

Only they didn’t follow, it turned out to be just me.
No wonder the ‘Look In’ mag was in pristine condition, the pullout poster of Tony Hadley was still there with the staples in his chest. 

I tried to sell the Kemp twins as best I could for years in the playground, pointing out their long black coats and silky blonde quiffs, but clearly they were no match for two up and coming shiny faced short haired Lewisham lads wearing Top Gun jackets….  

…(Not forgetting the one with brown hair that hovered around in the background strumming a guitar.)

The minute Bros asked the question ‘When Will I Be Famous?’ The youth of 1988 collectively agreed it would be immediately. 

Sadly, my regular theatrical rendition of ‘Gold’ in the form room was falling on deaf ears by the time we were all half way through secondary school. 

A huge chorus of Brosettes singing ‘Drop The Boy’ could be seen tripping over their Grolsh tops as they pushed and shoved their way through the subway to double maths.

It was only when ‘Frankie Goes To Hollywood’ told us all to relax that we all seemed to calm down and have a re think. In 1984, during pre puberty, we hadn’t got a clue what the lyrics had meant, but a few years later, the penny dropped and we all started to grow up fast. 

We all got hormones.

Most of us got spots, underarm hair and B.O. but there were a special few that developed something completely different.

They developed ‘Cool.’

They paved the way for a new kind of worship….

Meanwhile, I was one of the ‘normal’ kids that got black heads, greasy hair and arm pits that smelled like Greggs. 

But back to music…. 

Ultravox, Annie Lennox and the Human League finally made headway. 
Jimmy Somerville eventually knocked Tony off my hot spot and gently paved the way for Tiffany and Vanessa Paradis.

At last I was finding my musical feet. 
From 99 Red Balloons to Joe Le Taxi, I started listening to the melodies and not the hype. 

I suddenly found my own ears. I now knew what I really liked.

Kylie wasn’t especially for me at that time (I caught up later) and Sonia did stop me from loving her eventually, but ‘Woman in Chains’ by Tears for Fears and ‘Why’ by Annie, were immediately stolen from the Top 40 and safely stored on my Pioneer CT-939 Stereo Cassette Tape Deck.

‘Lady In Red, Uptown Girl, Shutup In Your Face and Mistletoe & Wine’ were certainly not favourites in my greatest hits playlist but Mum shouting…

‘Tape this one, it’s a belter,’ from the bottom of the stairs, every Sunday meant I was left with no other choice but to add them to my playlist before I was summoned for her weekly Hotpot.

What’s incredible is this….

We all had no idea that during this time, there was a whole new generation of musical stars going through puberty along with us and that in only a few short years they would burst onto the music scene and change Pop Music forever….

The time had come for us to Zig-a-zig-ah’ 

X
Ps. I ❤️u Tony Hadley 4 Ever 
15/11/2020