Dear Frankie,

I know I can be a ‘Pushy Mum’ sometimes, I think it just comes naturally to most mothers. 

We have an innate burning desire to see our children succeed and achieve.  I like to think I encourage you to have a go at lots of different things and to try your best, to not be frightened and talk yourself out of things but to embrace the moment and seize the day.

A little competition can be fun, I captained many sports teams in my high school years but looking back I realise I was more focussed on the winning element than the teamwork.

And that was wrong.

I wish I hadn’t been so driven to win, I wish I had been more driven to achieving my personal best instead.

Over the years I have learned that it’s more important to be the best you can be and not the best of the best.

I often won, or at least came in the top 3 when it came to most sports.  Winning made me believe I was better than others and that was the wrong mindset to have, it actually isolated me from the people that brought different strengths to the game.

I have watched you struggle with your balance and coordination since the day you learned to walk. I worried that you would be the kid in the bottom group, last to be picked or even chosen to play at all.  I was the picker you see, I chose the kids that I thought would be the best and help us to win. 

Would I have picked the kid that dropped the ball, missed the moment, lost us the match?

I know there are children and parents today that put so much pressure on winning but what’s really important is the willingness to take part knowing that losing could be a high probability too.

I think we can sometimes learn greater life lessons from losing than from winning, it helps us to develop mental strengths we didn’t know we had.

There is no shame in losing or failing, failing is the ‘first attempt in learning.’  I wish I had picked a wider variety of kids to play on my teams, ones that struggled sometimes.  I could have been a much better captain if I had known how important it was to help, encourage and empower people not just expect them to win.

This is why I encourage you now to have a go, have fun and try your best.  Don’t sit on the bench, sign up, get in the game Frankie.

It’s not about winning, it’s just about taking part with your friends and you really do have a valuable part to play my love, you really do.

When the ball is dropped, the goal is missed and the whistle blows, you are the girl that reminds her team that they showed up, they got in the arena and tried their best and that’s all that really matters. 

Sometimes you might come first, you’ll score that goal and hit the bullseye but non of these achievements come close to friendships and being a team player.

Empathy is the true meaning of success.

That’s the true mark of a winner.

Forever Yours,

Mum x

24/09/2022