Dear Frankie,

I’m not your friend. 

I don’t want to collect LOL dolls and I don’t want to wear an Elsa dress when I watch Frozen 2 at the cinema.

I want to wear my comfy jeans and a jumper, preferably without a bra.

I don’t want to drink Fruit Shoots, Capri Sun’s and Apple Juice in a carton. 

I want to drink Tea, Coffee and Gin.

Mainly Gin.

I don’t want to try backflips on your trampoline and see if I can fit under your bed.

I want to stay up late and google chateaus for sale in France.

I don’t want to eat jelly, Dairy Lea Lunchables and cheese strings, I want to eat fillet steak and mussels dripping in garlic.

I don’t want to talk about Jo Jo Sewar, Max and Harvey and Paddington.

I want to talk about Philip Schofield, Boris Johnson and Jane McDonald.

I don’t want to laugh at jokes about poo and wee, willies and boobs.

Well maybe sometimes.

But mainly boobs, saying the word boobs can be quite funny in itself I agree.

‘Boobs.’

I don’t want to spend my money on sweets and fluffy unicorns.

I want to spend my money on you and wine, but mainly wine.

I mean you.

I really mean wine.

You see, we have very little in common to be friends. 

Think about it. 

How many of your friends are 48 and peri menopausal? 

How many of my friends are in primary school and are wondering what peri menopausal means?

You see Frankie, the truth is, we’re not friends.

Not yet.

One day, I hope we can be friends, because I think you would be the most amazing friend to have in my life.

You have to choose your friends and the truth is, you’ve kind of got me for now by default. 

You didn’t choose for me to be your friend, I was chosen to be your parent.

One day however, you will reach an age when you will no longer need me to parent you and when that time comes I would like to ask you a very special question.

‘Can you and I be friends?’

It doesn’t mean you have to like Jane McDonald and mussels in garlic and I can’t promise I’ll download Jo Jo Sewar’s next album.

But for now…

I will bounce on your trampoline sometimes and agree that Max and Harvey are equally gorgeous.

I will raise my blackcurrant fruit shoot and toast your collection of LOL dolls.

I will take you to see Frozen 2.

Twice.

And spend my money on buying you the DVD when it comes out.

I can’t guarantee wearing a bra though.

I will not only tuck you up in bed every night but will on occasion see if I can hide underneath it with you.

You see, we are best friends in the making my love…

but for now I’m happy to be your personal chef, chauffeur, accountant, bodyguard, medic, councillor, landlord, travel agent, cleaner, tutor, advisor and Mum…

And one day…

your friend.

Forever Yours

Mum x

11/02/2022