When I told my Mum I was dating a woman, the first words out of her mouth were…

‘Ooh look, B&M’s have got a discount on flapjacks.’

We were in the van driving somewhere for the day when this revelation took hold of her.

We discussed this breakthrough discount for a few moments before back tracking to my mini revelation.

‘As long as you’re happy’ she followed up, ‘That’s all that matters.’ ‘Do you think we’ll have time to nip into B&M’s?’

Later on that day after several cups of tea and a packet of discounted biscuits, we got onto the subject again.

‘Just because you don’t carry a handbag, it doesn’t make you a lesbian.’ 

I thanked her for this observation and pointed out a few more of my traits that I thought she may have picked up on.

‘I like scrabble, buckle belts, vans, the L word,

Super Dry, guest ales and overcoats.’

‘They don’t make you a lesbian.’

‘I was a Tom boy. I climbed trees, built rope swings, fixed bikes and carved twigs with Dad’s Stanley knife.’

‘That doesn’t make you a lesbian and I didn’t know about that knife.’

‘Dad let me.’

‘Ooh if I’d have known.’

‘Anyway, her name’s Jen and she is lovely.’

‘Well that’s all that matters.’

‘Thank you Mum.’

Present Day…..

‘Cup of tea Jen love?’

‘Thanks Val.’

‘Would you like a biscuit?’

‘Ooh go on then.’

‘Frangipane?’

‘Lovely, thanks Val.’

Me…’Those are lesbian biscuits.’

Mum…’ No they’re not.’

03/11/2020