Lesbian Biscuits… ‘Do you know if Spandau Ballet had a big Gay following in the 80’s Mum?’ ‘I wouldn’t know love.’ She slurped. No that’s right she wouldn’t, why would she? Mum has never really been a dedicated follower of fashion trends and pop culture. I remember her watching Top of the Pops once, blinking …
Tag: motherhood
Did You Ever Wonder If I Was Gay?
Yo Mum, ‘Yo?’ I’m trying to be cool and down with the kids. I found this picture of you here at the start of the swinging sixties, you’re 19, clearly a hot chick and rocking your beehive. ‘I don’t know about that Love.’ How did a cool Mum manage to pop out a nerdy geek …
Save Me A Sausage Roll Will You?
Hi Mum, ‘Hi Love, Happy New Year.’ Happy New, what did you do over the holidays? ‘It’s been a busy time for your Dad and I.’ I can imagine, did you know Hanukkah and Christmas fell on the same day this year! ‘Yes Love but we’re not Jewish.’ No I know but it’s nice that …
They Are All Skint And Half A Stone Heavier
Hi Mum, ‘Hiya Queen.’ I’m just sitting here, staring at the all the Christmas decs and wondering when I’ll find the motivation to take them down. ‘You’re funny you.’ I did get off the settee at one point and make my way over to the mantelpiece to make a start on the Christmas cards but …
All Snug In Your Winter Warmers
Dear Frankie, Here you are in thick snow in the Cotswolds. You were 2 years old in this picture, look at your little body, all snug in your winter warmers. I’d booked a holiday home for us to hang out together in for a week. Just ‘me and us.’ We had so much snow falling …
Happy New Year Mum
Happy New Year Mum! ‘Happy New Year Queen.’ Or should I say ‘Happy 77 Years In Total?’ You smashed them all from 1943 to 2021, and I was so fortunate to be there with you for the ride of your life Mum, well for a big chunk of that time. How lucky was I? ‘I …
Ridiculous O Clock
Hi Mum, ‘Oh Queen, it’s 4 in the morning.’ I know, I woke up and I feel wide awake, you know like when you set a ridiculously early alarm coz there’s a taxi picking you up to take you to the airport in the dark. I’m that kind of wide awake… I’m ‘wired’ awake. ‘Oh …
‘Orkshire’ Puddings
Dear Frankie, I know that opening presents and receiving gifts at Christmas is awesome, special surprises are hidden in stockings and sacks to find by the fireplace and at the foot of the bed. We are very fortunate people. It’s a brilliant concept, it really is and now you’re older you’ve started to appreciate the …
A Chicken Kiev Behind The Cooker.
Mum and I got onto the topic of food again. ‘How do you mean, ‘lesbian cuisine?’ She slurped. ‘I don’t know love….what do you think lesbians like to eat?’ ‘Well these are definitely lesbian biscuits for a start Mum.’ ‘Don’t be daft, here do you want a plate?’ She nudged, dusting the crumbs heavy handedly …
It’s More Likely You’re Going Through The Menopause Love.
‘You’re happy, that’s what it is.’ She continued. My Mother was right but then I’d been happy and skinny in my life too. I knew there was definitely more to having a healthy lesbian appetite and I wanted to discuss it over more tea and frangipanes. ‘I’ve got boobs now as well and you know …