Growing up, I heard lots of different viewpoints on same sex couples. 

Back then of course in the seventies, two men or two women who were equally committed to one another and planning to share the rest of their lives together, sadly weren’t given equal rights or indeed recognised in the eyes of the church.

I wasn’t even sure myself if it was a ‘proper’ relationship.

I didn’t really think much of it growing up to be honest, I was playing out on my bike but other than thinking it was a bit unusual and sad that they couldn’t make babies together like other grown ups wanted to, I didn’t give it a second thought.

I didn’t know any grown ups who had a same sex partner and living on my road were either other Mums and Dads like mine or little old ladies who’s husbands had passed away.

There was one man who lived by himself and who never drew his curtains, house plants grew like triffids on his windowsill and black smoke billowed from a dustbin in his backgarden.

Mum used to stub out her cigarette mid puff and run into our backgarden to quickly pull the damp washing off the line. I used to run behind her with the peg basket to speed her up and calm her down.

I felt sorry for the old man but did as I was told and never walked up his path to trick or treat or ask him for sponsorship money.

I never met a gay couple growing up and I don’t remember any of my friends doing either.

Ever.

If I had, we would have possibly bombarded them with loads of personal questions, I would have been curious and fascinated with such diversity, only to be pulled to one side by my mother no doubt to be reminded not to ask personal questions.

I love being asked personal questions now, not ones like ‘Which one’s the man?’ Or ‘Who puts the bins out?’  I’m sure questions like these would have certainly gone through my young mind though, it’s only natural.

My Dad was the man you see and he always put the bins out.

I love questions like ‘How long have you and Jen been together?’ or ‘Will you get married?’

The reason I love these personal questions is because I feel so fortunate to be in a time and place where our relationship is not that unusual. 

It’s not hidden away for fear of rejection or breaking the law. It’s not something to be unexplored through feelings of shame or self loathing.

It’s real, it’s normal, it’s beautiful.

A same sex relationship has its own set of complexities like any other relationship, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, for it’s in this relationship I can simply be my very best self.

And if I can’t be my very best self then I’m not sure what’s the point.

If you’re wondering…

Jen and I both take out the bins, not because we are both the man but because it’s no longer the seventies.  And as for marriage proposals, well, we are both girls so I’m not sure how that works do you? 

09/01/2021